“Linzy, you should write a book!”
“Oh my gosh you are so funny.”
“You have such a good voice!”
“You should totally blog more!!!”
Guys, I’m trying. I really am, but life. It just sort of gets in the way most days. It’s 12:45am, and I’m sitting here praying that Lucas won’t be waking up for the day. It’s time for us to really reconsider his bedtime cocktail. It’s not working anymore. Not every night. I swear sometimes that this kid just doesn’t need sleep. It’s like having a car that can run on empty for months. Harrison just fell asleep. I don’t mind him staying up late though because that makes our mornings more relaxing, and we tend to watch tv late at night. It’s the only enjoyment we really get.
Last night I actually managed to get out of this house. I went to do an open mic night, stand up comedy. I’ve always wanted to give it a try, but I never really had the balls. I’m totally going to do a podcast about my experience, as I truly think it’s something anyone could do. Maybe that’s not the case, but it felt natural to me. I’ve always been great at being myself. I am me. Every time I say that I hear Ashlee Simpson singing in my left ear. Maybe it’s my head. Not quite sure because my right ear is always blocked anyways.
Mike is watching Sleepy Hollow. I Can’t get into it. Maybe it’s just a little campy like Charmed. Or maybe it’s because they try to stuff a lot of history in the dialogue. It seems forced, but it’s not terrible. I think I might even enjoy the show, but I’d always rather watch Lost. Again. I’m on my twelfth round, and I still haven’t lost interest. In fact I really do learn things that I have either forgotten about, or never realized before. Either way, it’s totally enjoyable.
I did a bit of Yoga today but I didn’t post much because I was SO excited to announce that I am now a #FabFitFunAffiliate (Yeah, ME!) This whole yoga thing has brought me great joy, and many opportunities. I’ve always watched the Bachelor ladies open their boxes on facebook live videos, and totally felt left out. Speaking of The Bachelor, wasn’t the first episode on tonight? Crap. I really need to stay on top of that one, The Good Doctor, This is Us, and Grey’s. That’s a lot of responsibility along with my daily yoga promises to myself.
Night time is totally for television, and it should not be for writing. However, I just felt like I had to write something. Especially because I have this new collaborative partnership with Fab Fit Fun! So I’m gonna hook you up with $10 off your first box but you gotta shop from THIS LINK and then key in the discount code TENOFF at checkout! I’m just so stoked to get my Editor’s Box. Okay, so what’s in this box?
Over $200 worth of products for just $49.99, but don’t forget about my discount code TENOFF that you can use shopping by CLICKING HERE!
Alright, I’m done trying to get you to sign up for the seasonal box subscription… Even though it’s super freaking cool. Who would have ever guessed I’d be able to be a partner just like the chicks on that show I mentioned up above. Shit. I’m still talking about it. I’m just so excited. I mean, have you seen my instagram pages?
Yes, I run all of these. I may have more but these are the four I focus on daily. Rosy’s sometimes gets the backseat for a few days here and there. I try to keep up with my insta stories on my personal Electric Linzyland gram. I also try to keep up with my daily flow for my yoga page. 22 thousand followers!? Messages for partnerships, and creepers. Luckily not too many creepers. I have a lot of women message me thanking me for posting my content. That means so much to me. I put it all out there in hopes that it will help someone else appreciate and accept who they are TODAY as they are NOW.
Now I feel like I’m rambling. Which I guess is okay to do in a blog post, but not a fb status post or a stand up comedy bit. I’m learning. So I guess I’m very glad to have this outlet. However, I’m often expected to write things that mean something. Haven’t you ever wanted to talk, just to talk? Have you ever wanted to be still, just simply not to move. Maybe I want to write just because I want to feel the ever gratifying keys underneath my fingertips. Tapping on my phone doesn’t do typing justice. Typewriters, remember those? My mom had one. Oh my gosh my mom. Okay, space brain.
A few weeks ago my mom took a little too much medicine, and then landed herself in a nursing home. She’s got some memory problems, and probably just took her night time medicine twice or something. Well I got a call the other day from a police officer telling me that she had a bad fall. Then he proceeded to tell me that she had a 6 inch long, and quite deep laceration from her ear across her throat. Apparently her visiting nurse found her the next day and called EMS. My mom thinks it’s 2001 right now.
I spoke to the hospital a few times over the past day or two, and she’s been on psych watch. They think she could have tried to harm herself. She’s not that type of person. The police officer said she fell and hit her neck on a filing cabinet, which I totally believe because this is my life. That would fit the insanity that is my life. The kicker is, she never once tried to call me. Is she pretending this didn’t happen? Maybe she doesn’t have her phone. I’m not even sure if her apartment is locked. The things I sit and worry about after 1 in the morning…
I should be playing The Sims 4. Actually, I guess I should probably be sleeping. Who can sleep when it feels like there’s a hamster inside your head that’s running super fast on that wheel and it just keeps spinning…. It’s out of control. My brain is an incredible place to be. There’s not much peace and quiet. Not too many moments where I could sit and peacefully ponder things. That’s okay though. I don’t have time to think straight. I’m getting used to that.
Today I found out that my FAVORITE people on this planet (aka @theyogacouple on ig) Mat & Ash are going to be hosting an 8 day retreat in Hawaii on the Big Island on June 1st. Even if I had the money to go (which I don’t). Even though I deserve to go (oh I so totally do, I know I do). I can’t go. Something about a sick kid, and a toddler that is still dependent on breastfeeding for a primary source of nutrition, and hydration. That’s okay though because I will get there. Maybe next time, or the time after that. One day, I will be doing yoga with Mat & Ash. I just love them. You should totally check out their Inner Work Podcast on iTunes.
I’m sure most of you are wondering about the drama of my dear husband and I. Right? That’s what you’re really here for. That’s why I’ve had over 300 views on my previous posts… I get it. Drama is entertaining, and I have a lot of dr- . . . entertainment surrounding me, rignt? Absolutely, let’s go with that. Moving on, Michael and I have had a handful of good days. More good this week than bad. So I have to question this divorce again. I know I have a few friends who are like, “Ugh why are you doing this to yourself? I don’t want to hear about it anymore”. That’s all good and all, but this is my life, and I’m the one who actually has to live it.
I know a few things. If Michael and I get divorced, I’m going to be depressed. Also, if we withdraw our papers AGAIN, and then we fall apart again I will be so upset. My marriage is seriously like a car accident on the side of the highway. You gotta slow down and take a good look. Even if it means that you’re gonna get beeped at. He’s in bed, and I’m about to go snuggle up with my boys. For today, he’s still mine. I’m still his. In 3 weeks we could be divorced, and still be together. Or he could peace out. Why do I write about it? Because it’s real, and it’s confusing. It’s okay to have feelings. Every emotion I have is real, and should be validated. I don’t get that sort of emotional care from him.
With that being said, I can live without that if there is love. This week there has been lots of love. I now know why Facebook made the option “it’s complicated” for a relationship status. I’m actually using it. It’s a real thing. It’s not like oh I don’t know if I want to be with him or not… It’s more like, I know I want to be with him. I just need him to be more attentive and shower me with hugs and kisses. There are things that he needs from me as well, and I think we’ve both been doing a damn good job this week. This week. That’s one week out of 2 years. I’m kidding it hasn’t all been that bad, but there has been more frustrating days than amazing days. I have to step back and think about everything we have gone through together.
I’m not a quitter. I’m a glutton for punishment. I should have a tattoo on my forehead that says “Please, Hurt Me.” Okay, reading these words back makes me realize that I’m a friggin’ drama queen, but I am emotionally needy, and that’s not a bad thing at all. I just hope that we can figure this out, because I don’t want another baby daddy. I want everything to just be easy, and comfortable. For him as well.
I guess I’ll have to update on the progress of that at a later date. Because I am so freaking tired that I’m not even sure I could create Ben Linus & Charles Widmore’s lair under the park in my lot on my Sims world. Yes. These are the things I distract myself with when I could be cleaning, cooking, or hitting them Yoga books.
TaTa for now,
Peace & Chocolate,
P.S. Seriously go think about the FabFitFun editor’s box. It’s selling out fast, and you will never get travel size products. Some things you can even customize. Just try it with me!