LINZY- Lucas wants a lollipop from the bank, and Joanna wants to go for a ride. I coerced my ex-hubsand into taking our two small children to the bank, and to CVS. Both drive-thru rides, nothing special. However it really is for me because I almost never get one moment of silence. I’ve wanted to get this blog going for a week. Can you even believe that this is the first moment I’ve had to sit down and type a few words? Honestly it’s just not fair. Other people with kids carve away time for themselves, and me? I really can’t. Sometimes at night I can when nobody is awake, but those times should be reserved for dreams.
Shh… Do you know what I hear? The gentle, and gratifying sound of my fingers clicking these letter keys on my laptop. Oh how I love this sound. It’s incredibly soothing. It means that I have a moment. Maybe not more than that. Harrison is sleeping quietly next to me, yet he’s been sleeping an awful lot these past two days. I have my period. A real one, with real cramps. Yes I’m whining. It’s been about a year since I’ve had one like this, so I can’t complain too much.
Shit. Someone just knocked on the door, and ruined my moment. I told you, I literally get none. I’m lucky I had breakfast today before lunch time. Medical supplies, that’s what was delivered. Formula, feeding bags, 60 cc syringes, 30 cc syringes, and a box containing what I need to care for my son’s central line. Then the kids returned with their Dad, and now my little girl is screaming. Hopefully she didn’t get hurt like she did yesterday when Lucas threw a muddy boot at her face.
I need a shower, and the coffee I made but never drank. Everyone tells me to take care of myself, and breathe. However I can’t. I also can’t have anyone come over to help me because we are in isolation, and this is my normal. It sucks, and it’s rarely fun. We try so hard to enjoy the good times, but my son makes that very difficult. He does not want his sister around him, and he wants to run the show. Hell, he doesn’t even want me to nurse my baby. Speaking of my son, and the baby… They both need baths. It’s been like a week.
Don’t roll your eyes yet… Babies don’t really need to be bathed more than once a week. As for my son, well… He has a central line that I can’t get wet. He hates sponge baths, so I have to try to wipe him clean, and then on dressing change day I can give him a bath before I re-cover his central line. CRAP. That means it’s dressing change day. There goes another hour of my life. Why can’t he have a home nurse? I mean, he had a nurse take care of him in the hospital. Why do I have to do it at home? I’m not a nurse! Yet I do everything they did except for weigh his crap, but believe me I do that in other ways.
I’m exhausted, but it never ends. I must push forward and just keep going. Maybe we will have a good afternoon without Lucas stating that Joanna should be six feed under. He doesn’t even know what he’s saying half the time. Yesterday he told me he wanted another Mommy who would be nice to him and take care of him. I can’t even touch that one right now because I’ll flip out. I’ve been doing everything I possibly can to keep him happy and comfortable. YOU try cheering up the child of Elphaba and The Grinch!
So I guess I’ll stop blogging now, because I don’t even have time to get my thoughts out. Well not all of them anyways. There is so much that I need to do, and organize. However I can’t really get much of it done at all.
I’ll keep trying… One box of medical supplies at a time.
I can’t even remember what my guitar strings feel like.
WHOOPS. I’m 20 minutes late for his 2 o’clock medicine, and the baby is up now. Maybe I’ll blog again next week when I wipe my ass.